The Elder Brother and Grace

There is grace for the elder brother too if he repents. I’m being reminded of this because I so often live like the elder brother in the story of the prodigal son. Not because I’m angry or self righteous toward the child that has strayed and is coming home, I learned that lesson a long time ago. I was the younger brother too and I remember it well. But my default mode is still religion. I still fall into times of earning and controlling. So, when an area I’ve been striving to clean up in my life isn’t improving the way I want I get irritated. I get angry at myself for my weakness and angry at others who I feel may be hindering me (or at least not helping me) get to my goals. It is amazing how sneakily the enemy gets us to point the finger at one another and ourselves.

Our Pastor said that the devil does enough accusing of us before God, let’s not add our voices to his. At the time I was nodding in full whole hearted agreement. Yet, how soon until I was committing this very sin. Thankfully the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to it. He showed me another unclean area of my heart and offered to cleanse it. I responded, “Yes.” I am so grateful that he brings conviction in clarity, not confusion. He helped me write out all my anger and frustration in order to get to the bottom of it. He cuts past the goo to the bottom of the wound so it can be healed properly. And then, he’s so awesome, he brings glory to himself out of it.

So, here I am once again, on my face in the dirt. It’s almost funny how often I fall. But he picks me up, dusts me off, and sets me on my feet again. Like a kid learning to ride a bike, here I go again. A little more humble and grateful for the mercy and grace he has for the elder brother and the prodigal.

Your friend in hope,

Angela

Return to Contentment and Joy

Do you ever feel like something is going on with you but you can’t really put your finger on it? 

I’ve been wrestling like crazy lately. Struggling with depression and anger and trying to figure out how to wash it all away. My circumstances are way less than desirable and enough to stress anyone out but I know where my salvation lies. This is what baffles me sometimes. Even though I know the truth about these things I still fall prey to my unstable emotions and my sin nature. We have been going through a rough patch with a particular issue for some time so it is understandable I would begin to weaken. However, I get the sense that this is not the only problem here. I feel as though these things are being used to get at something deeper. God is always getting at something deeper, isn’t he?

When I look closely at what is irritating me so much I realize I am self righteous beyond belief. I want to think of myself as a good person but the fact that someone else isn’t doing things the way I think they should, and I am paying the price for it along with them, irks me to no end. Why can’t I trust that God will take care of everything? Why don’t I remember that I can’t control myself well let alone someone else. Through all of this I see God reminding me to let go, to really let go again. To let him have all of my worries, my hurts, and my dreams. He has clearly given me some things to do and I can’t see how I’m ever going to accomplish them. So, I fuss about other things and distract myself from the real issues. On top of that I make an idol out of the very thing he has asked of me. 

Meanwhile, he keeps calling me back to him. He reminds me to simply love him, let him have control, and rest in his steadfast love. I have been listening to Soul Keeping by John Ortberg on my drive home from dropping kids off at school. Something he said Dallas Willard told him hit home. “Arrange your days so that you experience total contentment, joy, and confidence in your everyday life with God.” Many of us know that we are to trust God and not our circumstances. And we know the phrase, let go and let God. But when it comes to practicing that we don’t know how to do it. We often default to walking around in some sort of denial of what is happening. We tell everyone we are fine and keep a smile on our face, mostly. Those at home get to see the real us though. We are often less guarded with family and take them for granted so we take things out on them. We wouldn’t dare do that to the people at work or at church whom we are trying to impress. We’ve got to crush that image idol and be real with ourselves, God, and others. But like Dallas said, it starts with our relationship with God. That’s where I think he’s calling me deeper. I do my devotions, pray, journal, and even talk to him throughout the day, but I know there is more. 

I feel like my soul is needier than most. I am feeling the sheer abyss that it is without God to fill it. It is ever hungry for more of everything. So, I get sad and agitated, or just plain depressed and angry because nothing on this earth will fill any part of the void within me. Jesus is my only way to be whole. I am his creation and his masterpiece. I simply must remember he isn’t done with me yet. And I must simply embrace truth in my inner most being. Truth with God and myself. After that, truth with others will come naturally. And I think that contentment and joy Dallas spoke about will follow as well.

A Prayer:

Oh Lord, wrap me in your embrace and comfort me. Remind me I am yours and you are mine. Calm these tumultuous thoughts raging in me. Settle these hands that pick apart what you have made. Bridge the gap in my fractured mind. Bring healing where there is sickness and cleanliness where there is filth. Grace where there is anger, peace where there is war, and love where there is fear. Whatever it takes Lord do your work. I am uncomfortable and squirm at your touch when I should relax into you, but I know you never give up. I know you complete the work you have begun. Here I am Lord, wretched, poor, blind, sick, and yet so often thinking I am anything but. Take me as I am but do not leave me so. For the glory of your name and in Christ Jesus let it be. Amen.

As always feel free to leave comments. Have a blessed week!

Yours In Hope,

Angela Bowland

Love

March is almost over, how time flies. I've been thinking a lot lately, letting God get into those thoughts as much as I can. I need him there to make it through each day well. There is a lot going on in my house right now. Many changes coming and going and more on the horizon. He has been reminding me to trust him with everything. Each decision is His to govern. With so many opportunities to be fearful he has reminded me that the opposite of fear is not courage but it is love. During this season of remembering Jesus' death, resurrection, and return to Our Father, he broke through some of the madness in my mind to give me this poem. These times are so refreshing to my spirit. So, I thought I would share it with you. I hope it touches you deep in your soul and reminds you of what love did and still does for you every day.

What love is this that time does not deform

That reaches out beyond the grave

To conquer death and bring new life

To one who does not deserve it

One wretched soul formed from dust

Who to dust will be returned

What love is this that sees beauty in the broken

That completes the work in process

To heal the disease in creation

To hold his children everyone

One bride for him from many

Who will be perfect through his blood

What love is this that loves the unlovely

That brings light to the darkness

To comfort the harlot and the thief

To teach what is right and true

One sacrifice for us all

Who was murdered on our behalf

He is the love we barely comprehend 

Who speaks peace into our darkest night

To bring hope out of despair

To offer joy unspeakable

One; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

Who loves us forevermore

Blessings to you! I hope this Sunday is wonderfilled, not just candy filled. As always feel free to leave comments below. 

Yours In Hope,

Angela Bowland

Home

I remember I don’t belong here. I am an alien in this place. Sometimes I get comfortable and forget, but then it comes back. The realization that there is more, that I am more, that this is not my home. I am royalty and not the pauper I seem to be. I am a child of The King. Stranger in a strange land what I experience and what is in my heart doesn’t fit. It’s like all that I see, hear, and feel isn’t even real. It’s all a dim washed out version of something else. A shadow of a world so beautiful light emanates from everything. Glorious grandeur that even our most opulent artists can’t imagine. When will I get to see this home, to rest in its marvelous embrace? I get glimpses of it now and again through a vanishing sun or a friend’s smiling eyes and I want to meld right into them. My heart is at once filled with intense joy and fierce longing. In this I am reminded there is a reason I am here and a reason I can’t forget where I belong.

Remember comments are always welcome. I love to chat.

With hope,

Angela

Steps of Faith 

As I lay in bed praying for people (that’s what I do when I can’t sleep) the Lord caused me to tarry a little longer on a particular couple. I began to smile in the dark as I prayed for them because of the marvelous works I’ve seen in their lives. They have been through some amazingly hard times and some gloriously good times. It has been a pleasure to witness them blossom and their photography business grow as they take steps of faith to do what they love. They bring such beauty and joy to so many people’s lives through their artistry. You really should check them out at wearetheportos.com. I guarantee you will come away wanting to know them too!

This reminded me of a step of faith God has prompted me to take. I wondered, what beauty am I withholding from the world by not doing what I’m called to do? Of course I don’t know what it all will look like or where it will lead in the end. However, I do know that like my wonderful friends, and many others before them, I must take that first step... So, as I continue to jot down bits and pieces of the first book I have been given to write, I will be sharing with you here as well. This will be my proving ground or should I say improving ground? I am no expert writer, yet.

My hope is to share this journey, myself, and my thoughts with you along the way. My heart has a burden for women and all that our lives entail. Therefore, you will be sure to see my thoughts on that often. I also love art and poetry so these will make appearances as well.

Now I would like to leave you with a little something to think about. 

What treasure are you holding back from the world? 

Find it, pull it out of the dark recess where you have hidden it, and bring it out into the light. Like me you might have a sneezing fit from the dust that has gathered on your gift and there might be a cacophony of squeaks and grinding sounds as the parts of your gifting begin to move again. Don’t stop there! Dust that baby off, blow your nose, get out the oil, and polish it up. Let us see what you’ve got! You never know, you just might inspire someone else to do the same. And bit by bit, together, we will help make the world a better place.

I would love to hear from you so please feel free to leave a note. And don’t be shy to name that gift in the comments because it helps to “say it” out loud. I will pray over each and every one.

With hope,

Angela